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Asexuality is essentially defined as the lack of sexual attraction. This sounds like a relatively straightforward explanation, but being asexual is far, far more complicated than not being interested in sex.
If you're planning to write an asexual character, it's essential to do proper research to make sure you're portraying them and not falling into common assumptions about this identity. Asexual representation isn't as common in media as some other orientations, so there is less of a 'knowledge base' for many to start with. As such, it can be harder for writers to pinpoint stereotypes and inadvertently write their characters in a way that doesn't truly represent them.
Below, you can find a few notes on what to keep in mind when writing asexual characters, but it's also strongly recommended that you use the resources at the end of this post for further information.
A Quick Overview of Concepts and Terms
Most asexual people will use terms like these below. Provided it makes sense for the setting, you should keep these terms in mind and use them when writing an asexual character:
- Ace - Short-hand for asexual, and what people in the community often use to refer to themselves as.
- Allosexual - People who do experience sexual attraction. It's similar to how 'cisgender' is used in the context of gender, if the comparison helps. The ace community will often shorten this term to 'allo'.
- Romantic orientations - How someone might feel romantic attraction, separate from sexual attraction. For example, someone may be asexual and panromantic.
- Romantic orientations and labels are not exclusive to the asexuality umbrella, but aces generally find the distinction helpful. Allosexuals are more likely to feel that sexual and romantic attraction are the same, and thus wouldn't use a romantic orientation to differentiate.
Asexuality is a Broad Umbrella Term
Before going forward, it's important to know that while asexuality has a somewhat clear definition, it doesn't mean every ace person is going to feel the same way about sexual attraction. Asexuality is a spectrum, and figuring out where your character falls on this spectrum is of the utmost importance.
For example, demisexuality—when sexual attraction only happens after an emotional connection is made—falls under the asexuality umbrella, even if sexual attraction eventually develops. Graysexuality, on the other hand, is a label for those who can occasionally feel sexual attraction, and it's up to the individual to decide if they feel they fit that label.
There are also a variety of microlabels that fall into the asexuality spectrum. While for some, the broader labels of asexuality or greysexuality work, others' relationships with sexual attraction can feel more complicated, and microlabels work to address that. As a writer, it also gives you an idea of what asexuality can mean beyond its standard definitions.
But even if you've decided where on the spectrum your characters lie, there's another critical point you need to keep in mind.
Ace People Don't Necessarily Hate Sex
Not feeling sexual attraction does not mean an ace person is repulsed by sex, which can be a common assumption to make. How they (or anyone) feel about sex beyond attraction also lies on a spectrum.
The LGBTQIA Wiki calls various labels on this spectrum Sex Stances, but it's not a universal term (and I do not recommend Googling it). There are three main "stances" when it comes to this spectrum that most people use:
- Sex-repulsed: The person generally finds the act of sex repulsive. While this is strong wording, this boils down more to feeling uncomfortable or just uninteresting—the link has more examples of what being sex-repulsed may mean.
- It's very important to note that being sex-repulsed is not the same as being sex-negative. Being antisexual or sex-negative is a political stance that is hostile to sex and sexuality. Sex-repulsed aces are not against the concept of sex or think it's impure; they simply don't like it for themselves.
- Sex-indifferent: The person has no particular feelings for or against sex. Many people who are sex-indifferent may still have sex—such as for the happiness of a partner, as sex work, and so on.
- Sex-positive: The person generally enjoys the concept of sex or sexual interactions—in terms of asexuality, this is despite the lack of sexual attraction. Many sex-favorable individuals may enjoy watching or reading sexual content, or have sex because of the physical sensation or for their partner's pleasure.
It can be easy to assume aces are sex-repulsed, but how someone feels about the act of sex is not the same as their sexual attraction (or lack thereof).
Additional Resources Regarding Asexuality
Asexuality, like all facets of sexuality, is complex and can't be easily summed up. So, if you want to write an ace character, be sure to look through these additional resources and decide what may work best for them.
